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Broken - Brokenness is often a prerequisite to healing

Broken

 

At the end of all my anger

and my bitterness

came the brokenness.


The pain was

so overpowering,

that none of my methods

of fighting were helpful anymore.


My anger wore out

my bitterness did not help.


All that was left was

utter pain and helplessness.


My pride and stubbornness

did not get me anywhere

for so many years

they held me captive.


How much deeper can a man fall,

before he looks up at God?

How much harder can a heart get,

before it totally shatters?


I could not go on like that

I was a total mess inside.


It took a long time of utter misery

before I was willing to even consider you.


I have spent many years rejecting you

for I never saw the opportunity

in the hardship that I had to experience.


My life was characterized by anger

and I had turned my back on you.


By that I missed out on your loving care,

and on your healing.


I never allowed you

to touch my heart

for I was mad at you.


You just kept sending more pain

for that was the only way

you got my attention.

That is how stubborn I was.


I don’t know what else

you can take from me,

I seem to have lost everything

that was dear to me.


I’m broken

and now I come to you

I know deep in my heart,

that you are the only one

who can restore me.


I will bring you my anger

I will bring you my bitterness

I will bring you my hatred

I will bring you my stubbornness

for it has never done me any good

to start out with.


Only in my utter brokenness

am I willing to look up at you.

And I have come to realize

that you have entirely different plans for me.


You have been wanting

to heal me for many years.

You have been wanting

to give me a new peace

and purpose in life.

You have been waiting

to bless me with goodness and joy.


Oh have I been longing

for all those things.

But it was not

till I was at the end of myself,

that I was willing to look at you.

Am I glad, that you have been waiting for me.

 

 

(1104121402-1429)

 

 

Psalms 34:19 (The Israel Bible)

Hashem is close to the brokenhearted; those crushed in spirit He delivers.

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