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Imprisoned in self-pity - Self-pity only brings damage

Imprisoned in self-pity

 

For a long time

I had been imprisoned

in my own self-pity.

My everyday life

consisted of whining

and complaining.

 

For years envy ate me up

and jealousy about what others had

and how they were doing

influenced my days.

 

I never stopped asking WHY.

Why do I always have such a hard time,

why can’t I do this and that?

Why do I have to suffer so much?

Why, why, why.

 

I began to be angry with God

because I made him responsible

for my misery

and I expected only good days

from him.

 

That Jesus himself

didn’t only have good days

I had completely forgotten.

 

My self-pity grew and grew

and with all the negative thoughts

there was no more space in my head

for positive ones.

 

Oh how could I have been so dumb

for such a long time and believed

that my self-pity is my best friend

and that life is best

when I whine and complain.

 

By doing that

I fell for Satan’s lies

and got stuck in them.

 

Only after I declared war

and countered him with God’s words

did a light go on in me.

 

Today I am prepared

to take discomfort upon me

because now I have learned

that the biggest lessons

God has for me

usually come along with discomfort.

Now I know that God

walks an individual path

with everyone.

I do not need to be envious or jealous

towards the other person

because his time of difficulties will als

o come at some point.

 

Now I can experience

that God is in control

during my bad days too,

and I have long ago said good bye

to the self-pity

that had held me imprisoned

for such a long time.

 

 

(1510131100-1115,1910130814-0833)

 

 

Talmud, Avot 4:1

Strength is measured by self-mastery. Focusing on personal suffering without striving for improvement undermines inner power.

 

 

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