Mountains of worry - How you can leave mountains of worry behind you

Mountains of worry

 

I have built

mountains of worry,

one higher than the next.

 

As soon as something is

not foreseeable

or not easy

my objection comes:

BUT ...

 

By now I feel as if I would stand

in a deep ravine

surrounded by dark, high

mountains without a path.

 

I do not know the way any longer.

I can’t see the way out.

With all the worries

I cannot think good thoughts any longer.

 

With all my “BUT”s

I was unwilling to try new things

and take steps forward.

 

I believed that I could

and had to manage

everything by myself

and I totally forgot

that my Creator wants to

lead and guide me.

 

I forgot that he will lead me

out of the dark valleys

and has promised me times

where I can rest in a “green pasture“.

 

Once I arrived in the valley

I did not hold onto his hand.

Instead I was angry

and threw it to the side

and accused him of

why he allowed such a life

for me.

 

This way

I got lost in my own valley

and with all the darkness

and faintheartedness

I was not able to see

the way out any longer.

 

My Creator does not force me

to accept his guidance

and to trust him,

but I can see now

where my own rebellion lead me.

 

For years I only walked in a circle.

With all the “BUT”s

I could not recognize

the small exit

that often was full of stones.

 

And because I did not get my own way

I became more and more dissatisfied.

Worries grew into mountains

in front of me,

the anger grew

and the inner darkness

and hopelessness just multiplied.

 

All because I had lost track

of my Creator,

only focused on worldly matters,

and did not look upwards any longer.

 

O how could I be so dumb

and turn down his hand

in the essential times of my life!

 

Did he not instruct me

to cast my worries upon him

and trust him with my whole heart?

But I did just the opposite.

In good times I was too busy

and in bad times too angry

to really pay attention to him.

 

So now I do not need to be surprised

why my mountains of worry only grow

and threaten to burst in.

 

 

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Talmud, Berakhot 10a

Awareness of one’s inner turmoil is essential; self-examination helps identify the root of anxiety.