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Not forgiven - Changes in myself if I do not forgive

Not forgiven

 

I have not forgiven you

for what you have done to me.

 

Not because I could not

but because I did not want to.

 

In my opinion

you did not deserve it.

 

However, everything

that happened thereafter

was not the way

I had imagined it to be.

 

Bitterness and discontent

were influencing my heart

more and more.

I became increasingly impatient

with myself and others.

 

My thoughts started to circle

around negative things

and more often

I lost trust in others.

 

I have changed quite a bit

and I do not like at all

what has become of me.

 

All this happened

because I did not want to forgive.

The root of my own discontent

was actually not you

but myself.

 

I have spoiled my own life

and the joy within it

with my own unwillingness

to let go and start fresh.

 

The time that you spent

to harm me

was only a fraction

in comparison to the time

that I now spend with bitterness

and discontent.

 

To be honest

my unwillingness to forgive you

is the true root of the problem.

 

I make my life like hell.

I waste my time with negative thinking.

I drown in bitterness.

 

Actually, I am dumb

for I know that all

could have been different

if I would have forgiven

and then I could have enjoyed my life

again for a long time.

 

 

(0408152212-22250508150857-0909)

 

Talmud, Shabbat 33a

Harboring resentment damages the soul and can manifest as irritability, anxiety, or chronic dissatisfaction.

 

 

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