Skip to main content

Trauma - What happens when you can’t let go of your destructive past

Trauma

 

How much longer do I want to

carry my trauma with me?

 

What happened was terrible,

but at the moment

I bring it into my presence

on a daily basis.

 

The feelings from back then

are not extinguished

but have grown.

 

To never again

be so helpless and powerless,

I now control everything

that I possibly can,

but that does not help either.

 

In order to never blindly trust,

I have grown cold nowadays

and do not trust anyone anymore.

When someone wants to

do me any good

I use him at best

but I do not trust anyone anymore.

 

I did not seem to mind

for a long time

that this made me

more and more lonely,

but by now I perish

due to my own behavior.

 

That I circle around

in the same destructive thought patterns

all over again

and lose out on the true joy in life,

I have not noticed

for a long time

because I had to be right

in all things anyway.

 

How broken I am

is noticed by people around me

much better then by myself.

I only notice it

when someone avoids me again

because I have grossly mistreated him

with my words and deeds.

 

Hatred and bitterness

will rule me as long

as I let them rage in me.

 

The emotional protective wall

that I built up around me

became my own prison.

The self-pity that I circle in

keeps my prison doors

tightly locked.

 

How much longer

do I want to stay bitter

and by that make my life

and that of people around me like hell?

How much longer do I want to

spoil my life with mistrust and control?

How much longer

do I want to carry my trauma

around with me

and not let go?

 

 

(0308131732-1929,1508130751-0817)

 

 

Talmud, Berakhot 5a

A person is always part righteous and part guilty. Recognizing both allows movement forward instead of being trapped by past errors.

 

 

 

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The second problem - PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder)

The second problem I have a problem, or so I thought for a long time. Something bothered me immensely. Whether it was: suffering, illness,  injustice, bullying, abuse, loss, or anything else that threw me off track, what's certain is that the pain of it was etched into my mind. I got incredibly upset about it, simmered with anger and resentment, shrouded myself in self-pity and depression, occupied myself with all sorts of distractions, and did all sorts of things to try and get rid of the pain. Soon I realized that the thought about my problem had become lodged inside me, like a bird that has built a nest  in my tree. I'm starting to brood over the negative feelings. Day and night, they give me no peace. I'm getting so worked up about this terrible situation that I'm constantly preoccupied with all sorts of possible and even impossible scenarios. Soon, I'm experiencing increasing difficulty concentrating. Coping with everyday tasks becomes more and m...
Post a Comment
Read more

Information about the posts in March 2026

All posts posted in March 2026 have a specific order to them. I have placed them in 3 different categories: 1. The Problems 2. The Considerations 3. The Solutions Posts, that will be posted after March 2026 do not have this order, but will be posted randomly only sorted by the time they were posted. It is my hope, that the reader realizes, that he/she is not the only one struggling with a certain problem. I have spent much effort going into the depth of each problem with the hope that the reader can identify with it. Over time I have come to realize that the way we react to problems in principle is timeless. We all get stuck with the same or similar reactions. At the beginning those reactions are rather unproductive or even destructive.  It is my goal to not only honestly write about different problems, but also give the reader, who is seeking solutions good thoughts to consider. I do wish for each reader to read the lyrics with an open mind and contemplate what is wr...
Post a Comment
Read more

When the soul cries out - Emotional pain

When the soul cries out   When the soul cries out then the head is full with pain. When the soul cries out then it is obvious that you cannot concentrate. When the soul cries out then the everyday routines become difficult. When the soul cries out then any contacts with the outside world become more and more difficult. When the soul cries out then you become more impatient with yourself and others. When the soul cries out then you need a lot of love and comfort  in order to heal again.     (1606121555-1912,1706120737-0747)     Psalm 147:3 (The Israel Bible) He heals their broken hearts, and binds up their wounds.  
Post a Comment
Read more